i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she pinky promised me she was 18
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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