K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
