We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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