you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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