listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
