Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
