There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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