pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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