Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize