just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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