That's intense
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
