really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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