My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
