he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
