dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
