Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
