There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
