I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
