Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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