After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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