I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
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you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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