I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
