It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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