I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
