My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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