Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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