He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
