What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
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If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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