My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
