Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
