my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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