There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
