sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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