i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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