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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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