end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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