Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
