Are we in a gay sports bar?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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