I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
false alarm, still single
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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