I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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