Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there's paper in my vomit.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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