Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
