Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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