i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
