So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
