he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
