why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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