the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
