I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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