Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
