yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
