You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
