he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
