i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Floor bacon is actually really good
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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