She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
