Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize