I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
