I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
