you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
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proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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