Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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