Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
not ubering you a puppy
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
