dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
