Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
