She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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