i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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