I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
