you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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