I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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