Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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