SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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