I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
