You're completely useless in the revolution.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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