so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
where am i from again
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
