I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
